A Humble Request to the Back-at-Work Writers

by Wayne Graham

Hey there, writers---

First of all, I haven't said this yet, but welcome back. That strike really wreaked havoc on my TV watchage, so it's good to have y'all back.

I hope this isn't too late notice or anything, but, please, please, PLEASE fortheloveofGod....can we just cool it on the Fake Out Sequences? Oh, don't give me that, you know exactly what I'm talking about! We're moving along nicely in the story and then there's a scene where, all of a sudden, a main character is hit by a bus, or the girl of the nerdy guys' dreams crawls into his window for some lovin', or a long-dead character shows up from out of nowhere to give oddly perfect advice, and then, ZAP...it was all a dream!

Do you really think you're still fooling us with this trick? Recently, the Fox Network made use of the lack of programming available and premiered "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles". In the VERY FIRST SCENE of the VERY FIRST EPISODE we're shown the grisly robot mayhem death of a main character, but then he WAKES UP in a cold sweat. Whew!! That was close! A Terminator didn't kill me after all! I suppose we can just get on with the rest of the series!

Yyyyyyeah, nice try, you lazy bastards. I'm a writer too. You know what I call that? Wasting time. You're not duping us with that mess. It didn't fool us the 9,000 times Alan Ball pulled this scam on "Six Feet Under", and it's not going to fool us now! We KNOW the hero is still alive/still a geek/not really talking to his dead granny, so tell the damn story!!!

But, other than that, you're doing a great job. Oh, and sorry about "The Return of Jezebel James" getting cancelled. Tell me, did Lauren Ambrose really have Parker Posey's baby? The lack of closure is killing me!

Love,

Wayne